初七，人日。

It's day 7 of the lunar new year. It is considered to be everyone's birthday.

I'm starting to get more tired. Yesterday I took a 2 hour nap after coming back from school and slept through the night but still needed to take naps when I reached work today.

I take 15-20mins naps about once or twice a day at work.

The stretch marks on my left thigh doesn't seem to be going away. Hubby comforted me saying they were not a lot. I saw some emerging on the inner thigh now...

I have many fears going through my mind.
- Will I be able to handle the pain of labour? How long will it take?
- Will baby be ok?
- It will be much more tiring when baby comes out. Can I manage well?
- Will I lose the excess weight?
- Will I be able to breastfeed successfully?
- How will I evolve as I take on the role of being a mother? I don't wanna be a paranoid mother.

I'm not tired of pregnancy, but I'm feeling restricted due to it. When can I wear nice clothes/heels again? I miss my sashimi, steak, runny egg yolks, etc.

Of course I have exciting thoughts about meeting baby Zac:
- Will he resemble me or hubby more?
- How heavy will he be?
- What kind of personality will he have?
- Will he have lots of hair?? :D
- I can't wait for his first smile!

Hubby says I am so much happier being pregnant. Everyday I thank God for giving me Zac. Its the greatest blessing God has given me, to become a mother. Hubby and I still can't believe we are becoming parents, we are gonna have a son. It's now down to a matter of weeks before I see Zac. 4 more days to March, 11 more days to 37 weeks.

My uncle was telling me my 3 cousins didn't come easy or cheap. They had problems conceiving each one of them and had to see the senior specialist for jabs. Though I empathize with him on that, but God also showed me that even with obstacles He was able to bless them with 3 children.

For those who are still trying, don't give up hope.

I have another round of CNY visitation this weekend... hmm. Just the thought of it makes me tired. :S Seeing the midwife again this Friday for Strep B test. Not sure what else to expect. Hopefully I can find out roughly how heavy baby is right now and also how heavy I am :O

Gender preference

Before I got married, I wanted a boy. I think I watched too many shows about boys being important as they need to carry on the family line. Furthermore, I had this mindset that boys are harder to conceive (no idea why :S) I also felt girls were troublesome. (with reference to myself haha!)

Later on after I got married, every one around me were all expecting boys! I started to worry, what if I only have sons and no daughters?! My mother-in-law had all sons and I thought having a girl would be a refreshing experience for the family. I started to yearn for a girl instead.

My perception started to change after going for the nuchal translucency scan at 3 months.

Combined with my blood test results, I was told that my baby had a higher risk of having Down's Syndrome. We saw the results before seeing the doctor (occupational hazard la, like looking at psychological reports, doctor's memo). Hubby and I knew what she wanted to tell us. We were sent for counselling to help us decide what to do next. In my hastiness, I asked to be scheduled to go for Chorionic villus sampling (CVS) the next day.

So what is CVS all about? (extracted from Wikipedia)
Chorionic villus sampling (CVS), is a form of prenatal diagnosis to determine chromosomal or genetic disorders in the fetus. It entails sampling of the chorionic villus (placental tissue) and testing it for chromosomal abnormalities. CVS usually takes place at 10–12 weeks' gestation, earlier than amniocentesis or percutaneous umbilical cord blood sampling. It is the preferred technique before 15 weeks.

Although this procedure is mostly associated with testing for Down Syndrome, overall, CVS can detect more than 200 disorders.

And the risks:
Risk of miscarriage in CVS is about 0.5 - 1%. Apart from a risk of miscarriage, there is a risk of infection and amniotic fluid leakage. The resulting amniotic fluid leak can develop into a condition known as oligohydramnios, which is low amniotic fluid level. If the resulting oligohydramnios is not treated and the amniotic fluid continues to leak it can result in the baby developing hypoplastic lungs (underdeveloped lungs).

Basically, the procedure is similar to Amniocentesis but instead of drawing the amniotic fluid, the placental tissue is retrieved. This will enable us to find out the chromosomal makeup of the baby. In other words, we can also find out for sure if baby is a boy or a girl.

Why did I do it? If my baby has DS, I want to be prepared on how to care for my baby. Special needs or not, the baby is still my child. As an educator, I have also seen how people with special needs achieve more than what we usually imagine. We needed to wait 2 weeks for the results to be out. I also had to go back for a scan to check whether there are any abnormalities in baby's heart.

After the procedure, I had stomach cramps. It was exactly like menstrual cramps and I felt horrible. I had to rest at the clinic for awhile before going home. I started to ask myself what did I just do?? I cried when I reached home as I realized I had put my baby at risk. The thought of what I had done could cause a miscarriage made me feel so guilty and I just kept saying sorry to baby.

Thanks to my church friends for praying, soon I felt a sense of peace enveloping me. Though I had 2 weeks of waiting, I did not feel anxious. I also had a revelation on what it meant to be at peace. No matter what the results, I know God has prepared us. I also kept monitoring myself to see if I had any bleeding/discomfort.

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment."

Fast forward, on the day of the cardiac scan, I was more excited to see baby. Thoughts of whether baby has DS or not did not bother me at all. Baby's heart was found to be well-developed, doctor also confirmed that baby is healthy and is a BOY :) Boy or girl, it doesn't matter anymore. I was just so thankful to God.

I'm pregnant!

We started trying to conceive (TTC) about 5 months after getting married.

Our wedding shoot in Taiwan June 2013 ❤️

So... what's the rush? Firstly, I had the desire to be a mother since I was really young, like when I was in Secondary School! I would look at all the pregnant ladies and smile to myself. They look so blissful!!! What a blessing it was for them to carry a child inside them!

W and I had been dating for really long, since I was 16. We felt ready to move on from 2 to 3 :) Transitioning from dating to married life was not drastic as we knew each other practically inside out.

I wanted to have all my kids before I turn 30. That's my aim. Further education, career, money, can wait but my body cannot. Furthermore, I have been hearing from others that children don't come by so easily. Though I have to be honest, financially it will be a little tight for us but I also believe in a God who provides. When He gives us the desire, He makes sure to provide for it as well!

So after 3 months and 4 cycles later, God blessed us with a child!

I had to admit, though it wasn't a long time compared to others, I could still understand how it feels every time my period arrived. It was quite upsetting and I remembered crying once. It was on the last cycle that I just told myself: Whatever! I can't force it to happen, it had to be God's timing.